How to Become a Writer

How to Become a Writer

Excerpt: h/t Matt Rowan at Bob Einstein’s Literary Equation 
HOW TO BECOME A WRITER       R-KV-R-Y  a Quarterly Literary Journal

by Lorrie Moore    First, try to be something, anything, else. A movie star/astronaut. A movie star
missionary. A movie star/kindergarten teacher. President of the World. Fail miserably. It is
best if you fail at an early age -- say, fourteen. Early, critical disillusionment is necessary so that
at fifteen you can write long haiku sequences about thwarted desire. It is a pond, a cherry
blossom, a wind brushing against sparrow wing leaving for mountain. Count the syllables.
Show it to your mom. She is touch and practical. She has a son in Vietnam and a husband who
may be having an affair. She believes in wearing brown because it hides spots. She'll look
briefly at your writing, then back up at you with a face blank as a donut. She'll say: "How about
emptying the dishwasher?" Look away. Shove the forks in the fork drawer. Accidentally break
one of the freebie gas station glasses. This is the required pain and suffering. This is only for
starters.....